i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
