Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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