remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
