Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize
