I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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