remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
