My hand turned me down
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
