so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
