I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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