Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
