Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
