Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
