you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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