he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
