Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
