True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
