From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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