i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
