Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
