I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
