it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
