Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
