Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
