I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
