I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
