Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
