if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
