if you like me you must not know who I am
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
