I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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