im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize