i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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