Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
