I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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