i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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