He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm really busy with my period
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