Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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