people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
