totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
