We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
