So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
