he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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