Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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