I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
