If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
