I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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