did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
