Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize