HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
