seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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