I feel great
I just peed on a car
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
