YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize