Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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