I look better un-naked...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
