Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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