'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
