No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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