the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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