what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
