drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
