I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
