Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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