I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
