I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
