Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Welp...herpes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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