my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
