I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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