You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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