his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
