Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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