roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
