let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
