Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
