they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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