Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
