if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize