Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
