he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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