I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
