You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
