I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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