if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
