therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
