He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize