I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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