Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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