stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I intend to get homeless drunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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