Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
