matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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