I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
