So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
