on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
