My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
