Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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