I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
