I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
