Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I touched a dick in church today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
