I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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