Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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