Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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